[ K]uroda [ T]aiki

A conversion is just a conversation away!

I dislike Monday. It is always exhausting. Imagine going through 6 hours of lessons without a break. It is just so very tiring, plus, i work for 12 hours yesterday and turned in only at around 3. Put yourself in my shoes and you will know what i am saying.

Working in Motorola isnt fun. Although the pay is very attractive, the work is just too repetitive. It is nothing but boredom. The food sold there is cheap, however, it is awful. Well, as a saying goes, nothing cheap is of high quality. I absolutely agree to it.

Yesterday morning, i was traipsing to my workplace. Then, the Holy Spirit suddenly talk to me. He tells me to being someone in for the Christmas Harvest. For a moment, i thought it wasnt a bad idea. I began to imagine my classmate to convert and become a Christ follower. Unfortunately, i ejected the thought when i put my shy nature into consideration. This thought bugged me for quite, "How can i approach people who i am not very close to, if i do, they must think that i have something up my sleeves, even Benson who i am quite close to is not keen on this service. How would they possibly attend a church service with someone they are so distant to when Benson, who i am comparatively close with, reject me the moment he sees/hears the word "Church".

While thinking of this, i neglect my work and Shelia who is rather quick in putting the spare parts together hurried me. Then, i said to myself, forget it, they will never agree to it. Then i tried to test water, I asked Shelia whether she was interested in helping me as a photographer for the family carnival next friday. I asked her because she is very good i picture compositions and also having a slight interest in photography. She said Yes, still, i dont think she is responsive. Just want to ask her along for accompaniment.

Then i do pray for a sign. I prayed that if i can finish the work faster than my neighbor, i win over my classmate's heart. I finished the work, slightly slower than my neighbor. This further disheartening me, for a while, i thought it was completely implausible for me to touch their hearts.

But yet, I wasnt willing to give up. I prayed for this again. Then i began to do my stuffs hastily, not having any concern to check whether or not was it spoilt or damaged in any way. This time, i finished my stuffs slightly faster than my neighbor. Then the holy spirit tells me, if you ask them to come tactfully, you will succeed. This thought stamped me. It was indeed an encouragement.

I think of ways on how to attract my classmates to the Christmas Harvest. I put all their likes into consideration but still i wasnt having any guts to ask. I am afraid of rejection. I reckon, how i am i supposed to face them if they turned me down. How do you expect me to live with this kind of humiliation. Again, this kind of reckoning dampen my fiery spirit for the expansion of God's kingdom again.

Today, i attended the meeting for a short while at Rick House. I was very weary, thus i wasnt really listening to her words intently. Then she began to share how much Lolita has gone through in order to expand God's kingdom, well it was definitely tough! I hope i can be half as bold as her. But my courage fails to back me up. When i was going home, i was thinking, "Drop the whole idea of bring someone to Church, live peacefully as a Christian because when a preson reject you it will spread like a wildfire and make people think you are a hypocrite, only talking to people when you have some motives."

But i really hoped i can do some thing for God. A bit of mentoring and suggestion and perhaps even some consolation might help. This thought is definitely wrong but i have no bravery to deny this crappy theory. If i have the outgoing personality that enable me to talk to people without having mountains after mountains of negative contemplation. Things will be much much easier. If i talk, maybe a soul can be salvaged! Can someone helped me to open my golden mouth?

John [9:46 PM]